Tag Archives: sincerity

Expectations going unfulfilled…

It’s becoming the norm to have proposals or invitations delivered, which for one reason or another, fail to materialise. We’ve all been there. Fake News and all that!

Whether the messenger was a) insincere, or b) circumstances prevailed to make the messenger think twice as to whether it was a mistake to make it in the first place, or c) it was said, meant and subsequently forgotten ‘duh’!.

Now setting an expectation is a powerful communication. The person in receipt of it, will be inclined to naturally believe it, and so prepare accordingly for it. In other words, their previously arranged life journey or mental plan at that very moment has been altered.

Working backwards, I will discount point c) because being forgetful can happen to all of us.

What about point b)? If the proposer feels that there’s something not quite right following the proposal delivery or invitation sent, it makes good sense to contact the person in receipt directly either to seek further reassurance or inform the recipient that a change of mind has been made.

In other words being both professional, and courteous. Should the proposer be reassured, clarity can be given and the expectation in the mind of the recipient reinforced. If the proposer remains unconvinced, then it makes sense just to say something along the lines of ‘I have had second thoughts, I am sorry to inform you that I can’t proceed with the proposal or invitation – Done and dusted, and the recipient will respect the honesty and perceived trust subsequently embedded, even when disappointed.

What about point a)? Setting an expectation here can be seen as manipulative and to be totally candid, will not be appreciated by the recipient – Dale Carnegie comes to mind here.

Both in a professional environment and a domestic one, making insincere proposals or invitations can cause real consternation if not outright civil strife. We’ve seen it topically in elections, marriages/personal relationships, online dating sites, business deals, and all of us have experienced it at some point from the service industry.

There are many courses and programs on Expectation Management models, all are loosely based on Mean What You Say and Say What You Mean, or Walk The Talk ideology.

Key rules are… Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. If you mean it, do it. If you start it, complete it.

These can be grouped under the umbrella word of COMMITMENT. A commitment to yourself, which is vitally important as it nurtures self-discipline, and to others as it invokes trust and admiration.

It’s also worth pointing out that insincere proposals and invitations can make people cynical about anything that comes their way. Where’s the small print mind-set? Or What’s the catch?

Yet we must all try to have faith in each other if society is to make positive progress, not easy in these chaotic and divisive times I grant you, but we’ve got to show respect to one another and ourselves first and foremost.



Words & Sincerity

How many of you have met someone who will declare ‘You must come and visit one day!’ or agree to YOUR proposition, without really intending to follow through on that agreement.

Arguably more serious perhaps… how many people do you know that will look into someone’s or your eyes and declare ‘I Love You’, or as someone I recently experienced while clinking a glass of bubbly, ‘Friends for Life’ … or ‘I DO… for better and for worse’, or I HATE YOU!

What someone says isn’t insignificant, every word (written and spoken) sent to someone open to listening or reading, will have an impact. Depending on the character of the listener or reader, words may traumatize, or relieve – but an impact will be made.


People will declare you a friend, but the meaning of ‘friend’ is often like love a throw away term, frequently used as a control tool.

Its unblemished meaning in someone is increasingly rare indeed in our westernised, materialistic, I want and expect it now world.

As a result, more of us see words as just words, what really defines someone, is not what they say, it is what they do, how they treat you.

I can’t deny that I fall into this category, but I will always give someone a chance (we are all likely from time to time to make errors of judgment) should their first two attempts at sincerity not transpire; however there is very unlikely to be third opportunity with me; won’t say never, but very unlikely.

It may be me, but sincerity even if said or acted in difficult back against the wall circumstances is precious, it’s like a shard of light, perfect in every way!

The only thing is, we’re not so perfect, not me and not you – so who’s pointing that accusing finger out there? Come on, own up!

So how do we know when someone is ‘real’ as we say, well we go full circle back to the actions speak louder than words adage.

It’s the only genuine measurement (mistakes included) we have immediately at our disposal.



A confident soloist

Some people really find it difficult being alone. I’m not one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a really social guy. I love great company, stimulating conversation and attending social events.

Growing up I moved around a lot, attending several different schools over a relative short period. Then as I became a young man I became an entertainer traveling the world experiencing different cultures and social practices. So meeting and greeting is within my comfort zone.

Yet I do take something quite valuable from solitude. It distills internal serenity and external recovery.  It allows me to appreciate and reflect on all the influences; good and bad that have shaped me into the man I am today.

A ‘friend’ in the rich sense of the word is always appreciated and perhaps necessary. But you want to know something? That depth of friendship is rare for many.

Seriously think about it, how many friends could you classify under that banner? If you can count beyond 5, you are truly blessed. If I were to take a straw poll, I would suggest the average would prove to be around 2.

With the advent of social networking, I have engaged with people whom I’ve yet to meet but have represented that rich friendship classification to an exceptional level than those who I know in person.

The former never miss my birthday, or any annual event, always show compassion, consistently provide encouragement, frequently surprise me with their unsolicited affection, ask for my whereabouts when I’m offline for more than a couple of days and readily offer support for my personal causes and endeavours.

Can you relate?

So I now have this really pleasant life balance that I didn’t expect, where I’m content in my space, but have people who really care even though the majority I have never physically met.Screenshot_2014-11-11-23-38-25-1.

Now that’s special.

Sunday Blessings ♥