Tag Archives: Forgiveness

If only we adopted this proverb… 

Idealistic I grant you, but seriously worthy!


Assume nothing, question everything

My precious time has over recent months been taken up with defending my personal reputation.

The experience was in my and many others opinion unjustified and when you consider the people who have sought to dent my reputation, strangely weird. This fight, went all the way to a Court of Law, yes you heard me, the halls of justice!

Why you may ask did I have to go through this unpleasant experience? Well I don’t know, and I mean I really don’t know. My instinct is to believe I failed to learn at an earlier juncture, so…

You may think that because I consistently promote good over evil, highlight right over wrong, and try to inspire those around me every day of my life, I may be in some way lower down the list of targets, but alas there are those that such qualities brings out the worse of human qualities, everything from lying, to spite and worse still; hatred, the nemesis of LOVE indeed.

There’s some history and it goes a long way back, but I don’t really want to out the person(s) that have caused my life to be thrown around like a small stone in a tin can, as I would only be imitating those perpetrators mindset, and I want to keep up my dignity and decorum that to be fair, I have at times struggled to do; but succeeded in doing throughout this awful pointless saga. Every time I felt like I was losing it, I thought of my daughters and what would they think if I did – I could not disgrace them or myself.

There’s anger felt by those that know me, my reputation, care for me and have seen my efforts and commitment given, but anger achieves nothing does it? It only serves to hurt the carrier more than the target of retribution. It ultimately makes one look like a fool and opens the door for more bad tidings.

Well I am now in something of a fermented pickle, as I say, my life has been turned upside down by people to whom I have contributed so much to enable a distinct elevation in their quality of life; everything from foods, music, home style, adult skills, places, assets and culture – gratitude is however not a quality that comes easily for these people sadly.

My staunch contribution, commitment and I must add tolerance would be considered hard currency by many, but as I said earlier, this experience/outcome offers no real rational explanation, it is just WEIRD!

Karma has already begun her work, and I hope just enough to teach. Just enough to stimulate self-reflection. Just enough to generate the smallest sense of contrition – I must hope.

I visited a church and prayed for their forgiveness, not because I feel hurt (though I do) or was seeking sympathy, but because I really don’t wish them undue harm, and I definitely don’t want my locked down primeval thoughts to bring bad karma my way.

If you should ask me to sum up my feelings, well based on the years passed, effort spent, and time shared, it would be one of deep and unlimited disappointment. The two missing qualities that was conspicuous by their absence in the halls of justice… Truth and Integrity 😦

I will take this learning experiencing, blend it into rich wisdom and put it to good use on behalf of those that really matter.

Life rarely fails to surprise does it? Be with me reader, be with me, I need your positive energy and thoughts!Morals and Religon 

Someone known to me looked me in the eyes and said…

“I don’t do sorries”, no joke, words said and delivered with serious ice cold intent.

Have you noticed that some of the most powerful words in the English language only have four to five letters?

Love, Hate, Care, Hurt, Pain, Kind, Want, Will, Never, Must, Stop, FIRE, Need etc… and of course we can include the one word that can resolve so much sorrow and discord in our lives, SORRY.

It may be that if you say sorry too many times, could arguably leave you open to be taken advantage of or even bullied.

Though used appropriately and timely it is the perfect antidote for negative drama, and the perfect tool for enabling the turning of the page.. and even ‘closure’ in some extreme cases.

It is also courteous and admirable to own up when we’ve screwed up; we will and must make mistakes, we are and will remain fallible.

So saying sorry really should offer so many advantages over not doing so right? Well when selfish pride, and being ridiculously stubborn comes in to play, contrition generally chooses to hibernate.

That being said, saying sorry is truly a wonderful expression of compassion and empathy. So please use it when you really know that you should.

As for the person that claimed that they do not do sorries… I feel Karen’s quote pretty much reflects my sentiment.


Tis the Season to be Jolly…?

So here we are again, another year has zipped by and for a period of just days, we turn our minds to being what we should all be for all those other days that are not marked by the annual calendar celebration of the birth of Christ.

When you look backwards to the year just past, have you seriously lived the Christian way? Seriously, have you? But you will be celebrating right? Have you tripped up over those very explicit 10 commandments; indeed will you immediately following the opening of those expected presents and eating and drinking to excess, continue to flout the basic yet fundamental Christian values handed down by Jesus Christ and his disciples throughout 2015?

Will you stop by and give a few spare pennies to those homeless and sleeping rough in the winter cold on benches and shop entrances? Or will you just walk on by?

Will you choose to admit to all those you have hurt or crossed over the past 11.5 months that you were wrong and apologise, or will you suppress your yuletide spirit in the face of the demand of demonstrating goodwill to all men?

I know there are many of us that find this Christmas festival as nothing more than one big facade, an excuse to get drunk, invite him or her (who you don’t really like) over just once a year, spend way more than one can afford… while at the same time never step foot in a church, never say grace at the dining table, use profanity as if you were screaming against the opposing team on the football terraces, will find reason(s) for creating drama or worse!

When you see the followers of non-Christian festivals, you will see that many do so with their hearts and minds… not just once a year, not for personal gain, or pleasure, many live their faith and festivals as if it was the very air that they breathe.

Tis the Season to be jolly? Well it should be; it should be because what Jesus represented was quite simply GOOD.

Like so many before and after him, if you represent GOOD, you are not one of us mere mortals with flaws, you are a threat and we need to eliminate you. Consequently Easter in the Christian calendar is even more important in relation to Christmas Day, because here was a spiritually good man, selfless, lived agape love, who for no other reason than trying to improve lives, was slain on the cross and then rose up to save us all.

Now if there was ever a reason to look back at your past year and reflect, it should be for this reason alone.

If you cannot bring your mind and thoughts to thinking; you know what, that guy Jesus died on the cross for us, HE DIED ON THE CROSS FOR US! That’s some sacrifice!!

So in turn, what will you sacrifice? The turkey, the whisky, your favourite soap on TV, the cream cake? Are you willing to be humble and say, look this guy Jesus was born to save us, every one of us from ourselves; we’re all sinners after all, so I will look at those whom I have hurt, pointed an accusing finger at and treated badly, look them in the eye and say I have the spirit of Christ within me, and just as Jesus called out to forgive them Father because they know not what they do, as his earthly life drained from him, I can at the very least say sorry to you.

I ask this, will 2015 be identical to 2014 until those few days in December? It’s a powerful Q, one to be taken seriously.

Is Christ’s Mass about Jesus Christ where you can take the opportunity to embrace his teachings, turn that critical page and reflect on what Jesus represented, or is it simply about yourHmm... Happy Holidays?

You and yours have a blessed, spiritual, peaceful and judgement free Christmas celebration.

Relationships, what gives?

Recently I have worked with people (women) that are at a cross-road in their relationships. The theme is pretty much the same. A lack of trust, lack of loyalty and their world no longer rocks! The other theme that underpins the dialogue is a CRY for help; a genuine attempt to find a solution, and to save all what has been achieved together – even more so where there are children involved.

And yet, there is also for the most part a sense from all the subjects a ‘knowing’ that a leopard very rarely goes from spots to stripes, which in turn drives a reluctant need to look towards greener grass. We all know that the proverbial grass over there is rarely greener don’t we?

It seems to me that the old school values of my parents generation no longer holds sway. The ‘Till death do us part’ conditioning seems out of kilter with our 21st century if it ain’t working get rid culture. Our level of tolerance seems to be lower than those hailing from a more romantic era.

Some men will argue that the relationship dynamics have changed. Today’s women no longer consider themselves the weaker sex, they see themselves as often doing as much if not more than their male partners professionally and stereotypically, domestically. I would probably remark here that I am guessing that these factors may be less prominent in same-sex relationships (though I have not researched whether this is the case).

My conversations very often show another theme. This is where the subjects tend to focus on the relatively small percentage of things that they don’t like, and not the overwhelmingly positive things that they do! Tolerance, what tolerance!

Again I put this down to the instant gratification culture that we now live in. If a need isn’t satisfied in the tiniest of timelines, well all hell will break loose. Add this to the accompanying ’emotional decision making’ that will often precede or follow the gratification void, and you have a destructive cocktail that will only amplify the negatives rather than the positives that would manifest if only either party would be mature enough and choose to count to 10 and beyond and looked on the bright side of life.

When I think of my own parents, I know that at times they really did not like each other. Love is another matter of course, but if you don’t like someone, you rarely don’t want to have anything to do with that person. Yet, my parents never slept apart; they woke up together and at the end of the day, they retired together. The only time they didn’t or rather couldn’t was when one or other was on holiday, in hospital, and eventually when their time was up; yes till death they did part.

So here are 10 tips on what one could do to retrieve and reignite the dying embers of a relationship.

1. Recognise that the relationship breakdown didn’t happen by accident; it was either cultivated or neglected.

2. If you intend to make a key decision; insure you do so without the dreaded negative emotion. Often when a relationship is no longer satisfying, your raw emotion will not be reflecting rays of sunshine and royal blue skies.

3. Communicate, talk. Don’t sulk, do not accuse or finger point and avoid the blame game.

4. Do not involve other members of the extended family if possible. Should either party give their version of the story, it will likely be done so to covet support, seek sympathy or set up an alliance. This will serve to make matters worse.

5. Behaviours will have brought you to this point. Review your behaviours. Take responsibility. Should you have done something different? It is also likely that to have seemingly reached a point of no return, you should be able to use memory recall and find a pattern, a repetition of actions and choices that you have taken, or have accepted over time.

6. Remember there is more that unites you than divides you. Adopt the half-full approach always.

7. Do something special; surprise your partner with something that you know will make them happy; a hug, a night out, their favourite tipple, force them to look at you with the eyes that carried all that original excitement.

8. Are you really ready to start over? What does that look like across your life chart?

9. The grass is rarely greener over the fence.

10. If things really are at crisis point,Keep Calm It's Not You It's Me seek professional advice.