Tag Archives: Family

Rules for Life #40… the value of #family

Our family is a rich and unlimited source of security, knowledge and love.

The family should form the foundation of our growth from childhood into becoming an influential, positive and effective adult.

Society has placed in some cases, insurmountable pressure on the family unit. The mother, father and siblings social group of the 21st century creaks alarmingly in the so-called developed world. It is being continually bombarded with negative energy that has forced many to turn their backs on their own family, and seek refuge in friends outside of their gene base who they regard as their ‘real’ family.

A tribe that administers security, knowledge and love is a tribe that can withstand all kinds of destabilising forces.

What was that statement in the Soul Food movie.., all those fingers rolled into one, can be a fist that can strike a mighty blow (sic).

A truly powerful statement.

Family is invaluable for all sorts of reasons, mainly because that’s where we learn what is what during our formative years, and these early impressions will be taken way into our adult life.

We must understand that through our family group, we have been given the responsibility and power baton to realise our true and inherent potential. It is from your duty to the family, that you should make every conceivable effort to become a more spiritually and cognitively aware being.

Having entered this plane of existence knowing and relying only on your inner-most senses, it is critical therefore that you cultivate the latent positive power through your family group, to fully enjoy the confidence to live a life that has been served to you by nature, in order to utilise these rarely used abilities.


Be aware that you have an invisible, yet tangible effect on your blood social unit; every negative decision taken on a family platform, will harm your power base.

Welcome and embrace the changes and evolution that exists within your genealogical group, and entice the influential members to recognise and champion the importance of the family unit.

Living your life knowing that your family base is rock solid, will empower your life inextricably.

Please harness its power!



The Great Grandmother of all Fairytales!

Well what can I say, I gave my daughter away to a man who as sure as I am alive today, he will be beside her, behind her and deep deep within her heart.

They’re now on their own journey of self discovery, one which may reveal cracks along the way, but with love and commitment they will for sure both overcome even the greatest of STORMS!

I really must remark on just how extraordinarily beautiful my daughter looked, sometimes I just need to thank the universe and all that the forces for good keeps blessing me with.

I cannot be more proud to have enabled a life to be filled with the realisation of a cherished fairytale, one that my daughter will nurture and grow, with intelligence and undiluted focus.

To Mr. Marcus Onilude & Mrs. Kyla Frye-Onilude.

Stay united, stay composed through challenges, stay grounded, be joyous in whatever you both do, stay committed to your own deity, build your life on love, peace and balance in all things.

From your Poppa and Father in-Law.

And remember this…





An expanding family…

In 2 weeks and 2 days, my eldest daughter will be getting married.

Now all marriages will and should be an occasion for joy, merriment, commitment and love. My daughter has all these qualities and more in abundance.

She’s also incredibly beautiful.

So what does this mean for me?

Well it kind of suggests that I am moving along the conveyor belt of life. It also means that I will be given the appendage of an ‘in-law’. It also means that I will have a Son in-law; I don’t have a son, but her fiancé, despite being a Liverpool FC fan, is truly a wonderful guy in the traditional sense.

It also means that I must make a key-note speech at the wedding reception without screwing up.

3 out of 4 of her grandparents have since passed away, one sadly relatively recent, and as such, only her Grandfather on her mother’s side will be there to witness his grand daughters’ fairytale day.

During a time when relationships are becoming increasingly under pressure for all the reasons that are obvious, these two people have also been through unrelenting and at times unjustified pressure, but have come out the other side with smiles and positive optimism for the future; how have they done that?

Well as my daughter would say, “IT’S A PARTNERSHIP Poppa”.

Yes for sure it is precisely that. 

You can read all about my daughter @kylafrye in this magazine or follow her on Twitter.


2 weeks and 2 days and counting… from a proud Poppa.


Rules for Life #33

Christmas is meant to be a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, though Jesus Christ rarely gets a mention these days. Sometimes this period of the year turns out to be a time that some of us would prefer to avoid, not because of the theme of goodwill to all men/women, but because some men and women can be, well shall we say a little annoying.

What often happens when people get together this one time at this time of year is perilous gossip, which in turn leads to uninformed judgement.

So with this in mind, here’s a Rule for Life just before Christmas that is worth noting.        It all boils down to clear communication.



Today is a special day.

Today if my late mother was here with her loved ones, she would be celebrating her 100th birthday with us.

She was known to her peers and those who grew up with her in the tiny island of Montserrat, as Queen. The reasons are many, one was that she was particularly beautiful, but more than that, she toiled the land from sun rise and to sun set on her own on behalf of her family. Did all she can to enable her children to have a balanced and enriched life.

I was connected to her emotionally and spiritually. If she cried, I cried even though I wasn’t aware that she was crying.

She was short and feisty, could sing like an angel, and lived her life through Jesus Christ.

Some of you know that in a past life I was an entertainer. I started in dance, then dabbled in acting and then moved on to singing for a living.

I want to recall a deep meaningful experience for you that for me remains a powerful testament of my bond with her.

I was performing in a play in Italy, I had just finished one act and returned to the wings. I suddenly for no apparent reason whatsoever, burst into tears, uncontrollable tears… my fellow actors tried to console me, but to no avail. They asked me what was wrong, but I had no answer.

The following morning I received correspondence from my sister. The note read, ‘mum’s gone!’ My heart broke and fell out of my chest. I immediately made plans to fly home to be with my family.

I kept reading the note over and over again on my flight home. When I returned home the sadness was palpable.

I eventually was told of the time of her death.

Dear reader, the time of my mother’s death, was the exact same time that I burst into tears back stage over 1200 miles away.

My Queen risked her and my life giving birth to me at the mature age of 42. I was born on the Christian day of Good Friday, her last born – she always told me that as I was special. I know why she would have believed that.

Her memory was needlessly stained when someone that I was committed to felt the need to make disparaging remarks about her, and that is despite never having met or known her – this person too is a mother… incomprehensible, frankly evil, and unforgiveable. Karma my friends.

Yesterday I had to attend to her resting place, and also visit an area of London where my memory of her remains to this day prominent; Portobello Road Market.

What more can I say?

Happy 100th Birthday, I love you, miss you… I AM YOU x


My Queen with my niece.



It’s not uncommon in western society to observe that it’s often the mother that gets all the focus and importance  when it comes to raising a family.

This in part is due to the old days when it really was the mother that ruled the roost at home. Over the years however our society has changed. Women are just as likely to go out and work as men, and in some cases they’re the main bread winner.

So we men are taking on a new role, a more balanced role in the home. Carrying out responsibilities and tasks that generations ago, would probably be considered unacceptable and frowned upon.

There are still some of us men that see women in the kitchen doing the house work and nothing more, but this is no longer considered the norm.

Raising children is no mean feat. I speak from my own experience. Children will look to their parents for leadership, role modeling; how to love, etiquette, language, knowing what is right and what is wrong… they have little choice but to ape adult behaviour; so raising children is critical in fostering the wider social development.

There are many single women and men raising children and many do so superbly. However the importance of fatherhood is given less value it seems in society than motherhood… all the way to the courts of law.

If a mother is in a fortunate position to have a rock solid father figure setting positive values and behaviors to her children alongside her… from a social point of view, nothing could be more precious.

We’ve seen that family breakdowns often leads to young boys in the main, and sometimes girls finding the family unit among friends on the streets, sometimes with unwanted consequences.

Remember the ‘wait till your father gets home’ threat? Yes it harps back to the stereotype… but it also carries a message that the family unit is where the Rules of Life is born.

Fatherhood is vital, if motherhood is the glue, than fatherhood is the nail.