Tag Archives: Empathy

Rules for Life #39 A problem shared, is a problem halved…


Do you have someone who you can turn to when you’re going through a challenge, a problem or even a crisis? Well I sure hope you do!

We humans despite how much we mess things up, we usually rise to assist someone in need, not all of us, but most of us will. Those who don’t, well it’s difficult to know why, but there can be all manner of things that deter them from holding out a helping hand.

I struggle to see someone going through a crisis and not give a supporting voice, a listening ear, a helping hand, or simply take the problem over and sort it out for them.

I love the underdog, those who need help, I am there…

But that’s me; and as they say the more you give the more you get back – not instantly, but overtime your kindness, empathy, compassion, understanding will be reciprocated in some way – plus the more you give, the better you feel about yourself.

GOOD KARMA has a way of finding its angels and rewarding them.

Here’s one of my mottos…

The difference between an outstretched palm and a helping hand is a twist of a wrist.

EzyEmp

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The Power of Reliance


Have you ever agreed to do undertake an action with someone, and that someone has either proposed that action, or agrees to your proposal, and lo and behold that someone fails to show up? Yep, me too. Irksome right?

I spoke about Trust and Truth being positive (but fading) values, but Reliance too is vital for social cohesion, relationships of whatever kind; in business, within a family, in the halls of learning, team-work and so on.

Of course, reliance should be a natural and meaningful human behaviour, in particular when another depends on what one commits to doing, and as a result an expectation has been delivered; but words, as we know are just that, WORDS.

DEED is quite another thing, and this is often where the link in the communication/action chain breaks needlessly down.

We all know some people are serial ‘talk the talk’ but never ‘walk the walk’ merchants, we also know that some people will have a genuine excuse, but that genuine excuse should be conveyed before breaking that agreed commitment right? Good, I’m glad you agree with me.

What’s good for the goose is also good for the gander.

Not surprising, empathy is usually a missing quality; the ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes just does not become apparent at any time, even when flagged, and when flagged, the defence emotion gets triggered – no one likes to have their behaviour questioned negatively.

Relationships and society depends pretty much on Reliance, and together with Truth and Trust, I have termed these values the Social Trinity; a rock solid platform for any meaningful communication, planning, team effort or goal/task achievement.

So if you are the proposer, think about this Reliance factor.

Remember a proposition by default becomes an expectation for the recipient, so switch roles mentally and try, yes try and think how you may feel.

If all else fails, remember…

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3 steps to better people skills


Getting through life as we all know is tough at the best of times, but one way to smooth the way forward, is bullet proof effective people skills. Whether in a professional environment or a domestic one, getting along with people from all walks of life is vital for a contented and successful life.

We must accept that none of us are born with natural people skills, we are taught and some of us are taught better than others. Ownership of a toy between two toddlers could spiral out of control, it’s incumbent on someone with a little more knowledge to demonstrate give and take and the rules regarding reciprocation.

1st.   There’s nothing more attractive than good manners. Traditional habits are dwindling. Saying ‘thank you, ‘good morning/afternoon/evening/night’, ‘let me do that for you’ ‘how are you?’ etc,. Also allowing someone to speak without interruption I consider to be good manners – being able to listen for many is very attractive, particularly when someone has something important to say. Looking directly into someone eyes when being spoken to is both critical in business and in intimate relationships.

Physical things like opening doors, giving way, forming an orderly queue, taking your head wear off in a place of worship, dressing appropriately for the environment that one is sharing, giving up a seat for someone who clearly needs it, using appropriate language, helping someone in need… and behavioural things like being humble and showing gratitude.

None of this is new to any of us right, however with much of the focus today is using digital devices and communicating virtually, plus my own observation that we’re increasingly becoming self-centred, money orientated and more guarded, the positive social attributes mentioned above much of the time do not reach our daily consciousness. 

2nd.   Laughter!! Humour always wins the day. Sadness isn’t a pleasant experience, but laughter is. A physiological diagnosis “Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.”

Laughter, even in a morose tension filled setting can and will remove stress and anxiety in an instant. Speaking directly to my male readers, we all know that one way to a woman’s heart or anyone’s heart is making them laugh. If you make a toddler laugh through some simple play, that child will keep repeating the act so that you can continue to make them laugh. We all know that eventually it will get tiresome. Laughter is not only addictive, it is contagious. You don’t need to know what the cause of the laughter is, but you in turn will at the very least smile.

A joke or lighthearted banter during a 1st time meeting can and will make you more likeable and smooth the way to that crucial deal or in getting hired. Not many people are attracted to someone who seems guarded or defensive.

In an intimate setting, when making love and something triggers a snigger, this will likely increase the loving bond on top of the necessary ecstasy.

3rd.   Mirror what you see (but don’t make it obvious). I made reference to appearing or being defensive in point 2. The opposite is being open and available. Being approachable is every sales or customer facing person’s necessary demeanour. How many times have you entered a store and no one even acknowledges you. Even if you have a body language of someone who looks unapproachable, or you fit a negative stereotype, that person who works there should at the very least attempt to disarm and welcome you.

Non verbal communication is just as important in business as it is in the home. No one likes to be made to feel that they could be walking on egg shells. Behaving unnaturally in a relationship is NOT GOOD, not replying, not hugging, not sitting together, not dining at the table, turning one’s back, not going to bed at the same time, no PDA… being manipulative, attempting to control another, wanting them to conform to a particular image or behaviour, all bad stuff.

If the person you are with has a passion, show interest. People like talking about themselves, believe me. Music and food are areas where you’re sure to find commonality. 

If someone who you are communicating with is sad, empathise, if they’re happy, acknowledge it, if they’re being serious or is concerned, listen intently and don’t interrupt. 

There’s clearly much more to people skills than I have highlighted here, there’s a glossary of information across the internet and in libraries, so swat up.

We can all do much better in applying effective people skills, it’s a learned tool that can optimise your career, your business, your love life, your social life, your family life and make your entire life so much more enjoyable.

Here’s an interesting link http://www.cacareercafe.com/people-skills/

EzyEmp

 

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Pic credit to the beehive Atlanta

Observing unity or lack of…


What is driving disunity among so many nations? What makes someone stab and shoot an unarmed woman in broad daylight, while shouting allegedly ‘Britain First’…

What the hell is happening in the USA? Why do not people clearly see what Trump was doing, was pandering to many American’s blind frustrations and deep-rooted and covert prejudice?  Resulting in him now going to be the USA President. Why what makes us different (unique), is now being what allows some of us to nurture and fuel hate, xenophobia and in some instances leading to violence and crime?

I am sure you will agree with me, that in these chaotic times it is difficult to be optimistic about much at all.

If one thinks negative, our perspective on life is negative and will result in negative experiences that in turn fuels negative thinking – EzyEmp.

I have a list on Twitter, check this link https://twitter.com/sourceofsuccess/lists/humanity-united

Among the members there are some notable people, institutions and right-minded thinking individuals in my humble opinion. If like me, you believe in unity, you may wish to become a member, no subscription required.

I created the list when I joined Twitter back in 2009. Even then I felt that society was moving towards increasing division – often founded on emotion rather than logic.

I look at relationships, and the pressures on many of us have to deal with that leads to finding a quick exit (with material attachments in some cases). Many of us fail to put up with much, our intolerance levels are below what our parents and grandparents possessed that allowed them to realise the ‘death do they part’ verbal commitment.

Communicating digitally is the accepted norm, increasingly we text or message… deep level discussions and debates are now online, followed with unheralded accompanying abuse. As social creatures this saddens me. I only have to look at a natural world documentary and whether it’s watching dolphins, great apes, ants or the at risk elephant, and simply marvel at how they seem to be more intelligent, more communicative, more understanding and more loving than we purport to be.

Everything seems superficial, both perceptively and in reality. 

We the silent majority are now challenged to step up and make a difference – not in the way that some Brexiteers or Trump supporters are doing, but create a human world where we can all live in peace, prosper and excepting our unique differences. We can all learn from each other, we all know something that someone else doesn’t. Our life journeys are intrinsically ours; our very own life taxi if you will, yet we will have to converge every now and then, and that’s what society is about isn’t it?

I do wish we would all smile more, I really do. We go through life with increasing suspicion, increasingly feeling we’re at threat from each other in some way shape or form.

I am a man of colour. I have chosen to leave my home base in the UK and live in Malta.

Now in Malta people still invariably reflect what you present to them – it is a nation that has grown used to foreign invaders, and with the current refugee crisis, Malta has become an ever-increasing cosmopolitan island.

I am a pretty chilled out guy, and though I am tall and athletic, I offer little threat to those I communicate with. Sure before I do, they will have an expectation, it follows that we men of colour through history are deemed a threat, but as soon as many of us engage, such perceptions are immediately blown asunder, not everyone is disarmed so readily, but the vast majority do.

The other aspect to all this is that none of us are born with any perceptions about what a particular ethnic or racial group is or not, it is taught. We enter this world without any knowledge whatsover of class, race, wealth etc. Again that flies in the face of basic intelligence.

So let me call on us all to throw out division, and disunity, it’s a dirty road to nowhere people. Let’s communicate more directly, let’s be more understanding, more compassionate, more forgiving, more positive and more empathetic. Not just for us adults, but for our children and grandchildren.

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#diversity #unity #bono