My precious time has over recent months been taken up with defending my personal reputation.
The experience was in my and many others opinion unjustified and when you consider the people who have sought to dent my reputation, strangely weird. This fight, went all the way to a Court of Law, yes you heard me, the halls of justice!
Why you may ask did I have to go through this unpleasant experience? Well I don’t know, and I mean I really don’t know. My instinct is to believe I failed to learn at an earlier juncture, so…
You may think that because I consistently promote good over evil, highlight right over wrong, and try to inspire those around me every day of my life, I may be in some way lower down the list of targets, but alas there are those that such qualities brings out the worse of human qualities, everything from lying, to spite and worse still; hatred, the nemesis of LOVE indeed.
There’s some history and it goes a long way back, but I don’t really want to out the person(s) that have caused my life to be thrown around like a small stone in a tin can, as I would only be imitating those perpetrators mindset, and I want to keep up my dignity and decorum that to be fair, I have at times struggled to do; but succeeded in doing throughout this awful pointless saga. Every time I felt like I was losing it, I thought of my daughters and what would they think if I did – I could not disgrace them or myself.
There’s anger felt by those that know me, my reputation, care for me and have seen my efforts and commitment given, but anger achieves nothing does it? It only serves to hurt the carrier more than the target of retribution. It ultimately makes one look like a fool and opens the door for more bad tidings.
Well I am now in something of a fermented pickle, as I say, my life has been turned upside down by people to whom I have contributed so much to enable a distinct elevation in their quality of life; everything from foods, music, home style, adult skills, places, assets and culture – gratitude is however not a quality that comes easily for these people sadly.
My staunch contribution, commitment and I must add tolerance would be considered hard currency by many, but as I said earlier, this experience/outcome offers no real rational explanation, it is just WEIRD!
Karma has already begun her work, and I hope just enough to teach. Just enough to stimulate self-reflection. Just enough to generate the smallest sense of contrition – I must hope.
I visited a church and prayed for their forgiveness, not because I feel hurt (though I do) or was seeking sympathy, but because I really don’t wish them undue harm, and I definitely don’t want my locked down primeval thoughts to bring bad karma my way.
If you should ask me to sum up my feelings, well based on the years passed, effort spent, and time shared, it would be one of deep and unlimited disappointment. The two missing qualities that was conspicuous by their absence in the halls of justice… Truth and Integrity 😦
I will take this learning experiencing, blend it into rich wisdom and put it to good use on behalf of those that really matter.