Tag Archives: commitment


9You know when you have commitment from someone when you’re going through a crisis, and they join you in that crisis.

It’s easy to identify who is loyal, and who is a staunch friend when you’re going through a crisis or need some kind of support, and let’s be honest, there are not that many.

We’ve all come across those who set conditions in exchange for support; indeed some relationships are just like that.. ‘ain’t nothing going on but the rent’ adage, which breaks the marriage vows.

For better for worse, in sickness and health, till death do us part. 

When you start identifying patterns of behaviour that seems at odds with unconditional love, that’s the time to think whether you should continue with the relationship. Now don’t get me wrong, there are practicalities in life that may require being addressed, but both of you ideally should deal with such practicalities, not one or another should shoulder the entire burden.

A problem shared is a problem halved.

Just like housework or generating income should be shared, so should a personal crisis, but there are limits of course, and if the crisis be it financial or infidelity or some other issue, there has to be limits; there’s only so much one can take right.

Commitment matters, it really does, it can make a difference to a successful and positive outcome or one can invoke the ever decreasing circles syndrome until it’s too late to recover the dying embers, and all what was achieved (time) is then lost, and you can’t reverse time. 

Now if you find someone who is  committed, don’t reject them and if you too is commited, then there lies the prize.



Be brave…

Life is often shaped by what you don’t do, than what you do, quite often you know precisely what you need or must do, but weeks pass by, until it’s too late.

So why do so many of us adopt this sabotage behaviour? 

There are two areas we can point two, you just can’t be bothered, or you are afraid of the unknown or likely consequences (even if you know what the consequences are) before you make the decision.

We all know what to do, particularly if you listen to your silent voice, yet we live externally and not internally, and there lies the core problem; we start to think about what may physically happen or the effects on those around us or our environment as a direct result of the decision actioned.

So where do we go from here? 

We can all control our minds… if you go to bed, and tell yourself to wake up at a given time, you will wake up at your chosen time, no need for alarms. Again, tell yourself to walk 12 miles, and you will walk 12 miles, also tell yourself to fast for three days, and you will fast for three days… remember the guy that swam around Great Britain recently, well he told himself to swim around Britain, and the consequences was chunks of his tounge fell off, but he achieved his goal.

I do 80 to 100 press ups daily even though I’m in my late fifties, it’s all about determination and fortitude

I often see people who need or wish to lose weight visit the gym, why do they visit the gym, well it’s the collective, it’s being with those around you doing the same thing, some are just fitness fanatics, while others are losing weight, so yeah it’s the collective spirit, which supports, drives and empowers, and moreover also for some, dilutes the shame and personal embarrassment.

Being afraid is in the mind, sure if you are in an emergency, like in a fire or caught up in a terrorist attack or someone is pointing a gun at you, then sure being afraid is fully justified, however for the most part, fear is in the mind. 

I recall seeing a video on YouTube, where Will Smith was talking about jumping out of a plane. He remarked that even before he got on the plane, he couldn’t sleep, he was worried…which he later said was utterly foolish, and then when he jumped out of the plane… all the fear vanished in a second, he felt like an albatross.

So be brave, whether you want to say something to that special person that you keep seeing or thinking about, or just be brave and change your life!

Live n love always! 


What is truth these days?

I am someone who walks the talk, if I make a commitment to someone, it isn’t just to them, but also to myself.

We all come across people who say they’ll do this and then don’t. There lies someone who doesn’t honour their words.

I’ve come across many people through the years who treat people with disrespect, or worse still, like a vehicle to get somewhere where they need to be, and more often than not it is usually with an individual that they claim to love… do you hear me dear reader, yes love.

Now this form of ‘LOVE’ isn’t love in the pure sense of the word or emotion at all, it’s a way or a tool to manipulate or control for their benefit. It’s a material world after all right?

It’s a sign of our times dear reader, we just cannot trust anyone anymore. Particularly in our geopolitical world and the fake news climate.

However, here’s the good news, like me there are people in our midst that are human angels, prepared to sacrifice all for others, and in return, the universe will provide abundance to them forever more.

Now if you come across this rare breed of human, ensure you treat them right, or you’ll end up with a mask who won’t treat you right, and if you allow that to happen, it could end up in a tragedy, and yes you will have come across them just like me.

Nuff said…


The Power of Reliance

Have you ever agreed to do undertake an action with someone, and that someone has either proposed that action, or agrees to your proposal, and lo and behold that someone fails to show up? Yep, me too. Irksome right?

I spoke about Trust and Truth being positive (but fading) values, but Reliance too is vital for social cohesion, relationships of whatever kind; in business, within a family, in the halls of learning, team-work and so on.

Of course, reliance should be a natural and meaningful human behaviour, in particular when another depends on what one commits to doing, and as a result an expectation has been delivered; but words, as we know are just that, WORDS.

DEED is quite another thing, and this is often where the link in the communication/action chain breaks needlessly down.

We all know some people are serial ‘talk the talk’ but never ‘walk the walk’ merchants, we also know that some people will have a genuine excuse, but that genuine excuse should be conveyed before breaking that agreed commitment right? Good, I’m glad you agree with me.

What’s good for the goose is also good for the gander.

Not surprising, empathy is usually a missing quality; the ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes just does not become apparent at any time, even when flagged, and when flagged, the defence emotion gets triggered – no one likes to have their behaviour questioned negatively.

Relationships and society depends pretty much on Reliance, and together with Truth and Trust, I have termed these values the Social Trinity; a rock solid platform for any meaningful communication, planning, team effort or goal/task achievement.

So if you are the proposer, think about this Reliance factor.

Remember a proposition by default becomes an expectation for the recipient, so switch roles mentally and try, yes try and think how you may feel.

If all else fails, remember…




Expectations going unfulfilled…

It’s becoming the norm to have proposals or invitations delivered, which for one reason or another, fail to materialise. We’ve all been there. Fake News and all that!

Whether the messenger was a) insincere, or b) circumstances prevailed to make the messenger think twice as to whether it was a mistake to make it in the first place, or c) it was said, meant and subsequently forgotten ‘duh’!.

Now setting an expectation is a powerful communication. The person in receipt of it, will be inclined to naturally believe it, and so prepare accordingly for it. In other words, their previously arranged life journey or mental plan at that very moment has been altered.

Working backwards, I will discount point c) because being forgetful can happen to all of us.

What about point b)? If the proposer feels that there’s something not quite right following the proposal delivery or invitation sent, it makes good sense to contact the person in receipt directly either to seek further reassurance or inform the recipient that a change of mind has been made.

In other words being both professional, and courteous. Should the proposer be reassured, clarity can be given and the expectation in the mind of the recipient reinforced. If the proposer remains unconvinced, then it makes sense just to say something along the lines of ‘I have had second thoughts, I am sorry to inform you that I can’t proceed with the proposal or invitation – Done and dusted, and the recipient will respect the honesty and perceived trust subsequently embedded, even when disappointed.

What about point a)? Setting an expectation here can be seen as manipulative and to be totally candid, will not be appreciated by the recipient – Dale Carnegie comes to mind here.

Both in a professional environment and a domestic one, making insincere proposals or invitations can cause real consternation if not outright civil strife. We’ve seen it topically in elections, marriages/personal relationships, online dating sites, business deals, and all of us have experienced it at some point from the service industry.

There are many courses and programs on Expectation Management models, all are loosely based on Mean What You Say and Say What You Mean, or Walk The Talk ideology.

Key rules are… Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. If you mean it, do it. If you start it, complete it.

These can be grouped under the umbrella word of COMMITMENT. A commitment to yourself, which is vitally important as it nurtures self-discipline, and to others as it invokes trust and admiration.

It’s also worth pointing out that insincere proposals and invitations can make people cynical about anything that comes their way. Where’s the small print mind-set? Or What’s the catch?

Yet we must all try to have faith in each other if society is to make positive progress, not easy in these chaotic and divisive times I grant you, but we’ve got to show respect to one another and ourselves first and foremost.