Tag Archives: active listening

Don’t allow anyone who you regard as an ‘earth angel’ out of your life


Now most of us are good people, we all want the same thing….

A good life, quality food on the table, see our children thrive, our parents grow old gracefully, our friends remain loyal, chase and secure that dream job or career, have an annual vacation at the very least, travel the world and engage in foreign cultures, that special person that we just can’t live without.

Yes as the saying goes, ‘we have much more in common, than what divides us’, yet more often than not, we focus on what divides us. As demonstrated in my previous blog post, do you buy music before hearing it first? It’s an analogy, but you get the point right!

I have just spent 8 hours across 2 days, supporting a leader of people, who just cannot lead. He cracks the whip like he is in a circus, he shouts, he scorns, he demoralisies his charges, and yet he expects them to give him respect.

As we know, respect works both ways, even more so in a team environment.

Even with me, he behaves in an unsatisfactory manner, but I refuse to accept his ingrained bully like behaviour, so I continue to remind him, that the reason he has such high staff turnover, is due to his behaviour.

Perhaps I was sent to be the earth angel in his life, maybe he will change his behaviour so his public image improves and people will respect him, not because he demands it, but more like a instinctive response to his newly formed characteristics. Let’s hope so.

I suspect deep down he is a good man, but we all have a journey that will have an subconscious effect on our lives right?

So I will give him the benefit of the doubt. We all have more in common… 

The point of this blog is to embrace and not judge, to listen and not talk over, to forgive, but never forget, to change and not stagnate, to achieve and not procrastinate, to help and not walk by, to love without conditions, I could go on….
Yes this is my definition of an Earth Angel, there aren’t that many people who you come across in life, (even those in your family included), that can be defined like this.

We all have our faults some more than others, so we must give some space or flexibility where possible, but there’ll be limits, we need to love and respect ourselves first, before we can show love and respect. There are limits people!

So dear reader, do try in this hostile environment, try and be an Earth Angel whenever and wherever you can. 

Live n love always

EzyEmp

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The spoken word is key to everything!


As we bow our heads as we along the roads, avenues and paths, more and more of us choose to message, text, send an emoji, or email, rather than open our mouths.

It is what it is; of course, in our fast and speedy western world lifestyle, sending a quick heart to a loved one is enough to indicate that you truly care.

Now more than ever, our alphabet is gradually being broken down into acronyms, grammar that can be likened to hieroglyphics and images.

But the importance of sound communication won’t go away, it will be crucial at times of emergency, times when a kind word can change lives, times when the sound of a yearned for voice can raise one’s spirit, times when only the spoken word is appropriate.

Oratory is a powerful tool, it moves people to do things they never thought they could or would. Martin Luther King Jr, the YES WE CAN mantra, the sermon in a church, and so on.

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The words and vows spoken between two people getting married, the words shared at the point of a loved one’s passing, the word SORRY, that will undo tension in an instant, and the poetic words of love…

Taking communication to the work place, the reliance on computer terminals and digital screens automates so much, yet the people factor is now missing, and as we create more and more AI machines, watch out people, ALEXA is slowly becoming a loving family member.

Listening is a huge part of communication, we don’t listen to hear, we listen to respond. Active listening for those in HR, Coaching, Teaching or Learning and Development will know just how important it is to listen.

What about raising children in an adult’s presence? Kids listen to every word that is said, if you use profanity, they will too, if you use constructive words, they will too, if you speak multiple languages, they will too, the importance of diversity is vital for their future lives, we share our planet with 7BN people, not 7 people; the 5 in your home and the couple next door, the world is shared among us all, but not all of us have control over what we can do with our lives, without penalties.

But I digress; so communication is key to everything, be it prayer or a cry for help, a word of support during a catastrophe, a word to a lonely elderly person, a stranger in an elevator, someone at a bus stop, the bar person, an Illuminati, they’re no different from the rest of us… use what many of us were born with, a Brain, Thought, Tongue, and Speech, use your words wisely, try not to hurt, and don’t cause offence.

EzyEmp

3 steps to better people skills


Getting through life as we all know is tough at the best of times, but one way to smooth the way forward, is bullet proof effective people skills. Whether in a professional environment or a domestic one, getting along with people from all walks of life is vital for a contented and successful life.

We must accept that none of us are born with natural people skills, we are taught and some of us are taught better than others. Ownership of a toy between two toddlers could spiral out of control, it’s incumbent on someone with a little more knowledge to demonstrate give and take and the rules regarding reciprocation.

1st.   There’s nothing more attractive than good manners. Traditional habits are dwindling. Saying ‘thank you, ‘good morning/afternoon/evening/night’, ‘let me do that for you’ ‘how are you?’ etc,. Also allowing someone to speak without interruption I consider to be good manners – being able to listen for many is very attractive, particularly when someone has something important to say. Looking directly into someone eyes when being spoken to is both critical in business and in intimate relationships.

Physical things like opening doors, giving way, forming an orderly queue, taking your head wear off in a place of worship, dressing appropriately for the environment that one is sharing, giving up a seat for someone who clearly needs it, using appropriate language, helping someone in need… and behavioural things like being humble and showing gratitude.

None of this is new to any of us right, however with much of the focus today is using digital devices and communicating virtually, plus my own observation that we’re increasingly becoming self-centred, money orientated and more guarded, the positive social attributes mentioned above much of the time do not reach our daily consciousness. 

2nd.   Laughter!! Humour always wins the day. Sadness isn’t a pleasant experience, but laughter is. A physiological diagnosis “Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.”

Laughter, even in a morose tension filled setting can and will remove stress and anxiety in an instant. Speaking directly to my male readers, we all know that one way to a woman’s heart or anyone’s heart is making them laugh. If you make a toddler laugh through some simple play, that child will keep repeating the act so that you can continue to make them laugh. We all know that eventually it will get tiresome. Laughter is not only addictive, it is contagious. You don’t need to know what the cause of the laughter is, but you in turn will at the very least smile.

A joke or lighthearted banter during a 1st time meeting can and will make you more likeable and smooth the way to that crucial deal or in getting hired. Not many people are attracted to someone who seems guarded or defensive.

In an intimate setting, when making love and something triggers a snigger, this will likely increase the loving bond on top of the necessary ecstasy.

3rd.   Mirror what you see (but don’t make it obvious). I made reference to appearing or being defensive in point 2. The opposite is being open and available. Being approachable is every sales or customer facing person’s necessary demeanour. How many times have you entered a store and no one even acknowledges you. Even if you have a body language of someone who looks unapproachable, or you fit a negative stereotype, that person who works there should at the very least attempt to disarm and welcome you.

Non verbal communication is just as important in business as it is in the home. No one likes to be made to feel that they could be walking on egg shells. Behaving unnaturally in a relationship is NOT GOOD, not replying, not hugging, not sitting together, not dining at the table, turning one’s back, not going to bed at the same time, no PDA… being manipulative, attempting to control another, wanting them to conform to a particular image or behaviour, all bad stuff.

If the person you are with has a passion, show interest. People like talking about themselves, believe me. Music and food are areas where you’re sure to find commonality. 

If someone who you are communicating with is sad, empathise, if they’re happy, acknowledge it, if they’re being serious or is concerned, listen intently and don’t interrupt. 

There’s clearly much more to people skills than I have highlighted here, there’s a glossary of information across the internet and in libraries, so swat up.

We can all do much better in applying effective people skills, it’s a learned tool that can optimise your career, your business, your love life, your social life, your family life and make your entire life so much more enjoyable.

Here’s an interesting link http://www.cacareercafe.com/people-skills/

EzyEmp

 

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Pic credit to the beehive Atlanta