Tag Archives: acceptance

Recollection 


Here are some life events that I will never forget..

  • As a five year old playing Herod the King with a plastic floppy sword
  • How my mother’s tears will instantly make me weep when I was young
  • My father bringing home bottles of Makeson Stout and chocolate eggs every Friday after work
  • Being able to tread water in the deep end at a swimming pool
  • My first kiss on my crush’ lips in the school playground, no tounges
  • The first time aged 9 a school friend showed her vagina to me in a classroom
  • When I lost my virginity aged 15 with my sister’s friend at a family party – she seduced me!
  • The sensation of driving a car for the very first time
  • Having a street fight with one arm; someone tried to rob me, but all they got was an empty wallet and a busted nose for their troubles (if it happened today with sharp weapons being the tool of combat) I may not be here right now
  • Winning a national team dance competiton, we all fully lost it!!
  • Performing on stage in Milan with Renato Raschel (he of solo mio fame) aged 20
  • Discovering love in Italy with my dance partner Kerry Moore aged 20; we should be together today, but…
  • Leaving home, watching my parents sadness and buying a home aged 23
  • Having my first born aged 27, now Mrs Kyla Frye-Onilude
  • Joining a vocal quartet and traveling the world aged 31, who’s founder died in March last year RIP, and then traveling the world as a solo artist mid 30s
  • Travelling to Kenya with my 2nd daughter who’s nickname is Cocky, who I love dearly, an experience that I will happily take to my grave – 3 safaris in two weeks, the TV doesn’t capture the majesty of the animal kingdom whatsoever
  • Losing my grandson to cot death; no words can describe that tragic experience. RIP
  • Incorporating my first company late 30s, but with the wrong people
  • Earning a six figure salary as a member of the Board of Directors at a computer services enterprise
  • Flying to Manhattan a month before 9/11 and visited the Windows of the World restaurant at the top of the World Trade Centre. Timing and all that
  • Losing my old man in 2008 to leukaemia in just 4 days, my mentor!
  • My now 5 year old grandson, a talent  coming to your screens in the not too distant future; mark my words
  • Witnessing and being part of my daughter’s glorious wedding just last August, man she was incredibly beautiful on the day just as she was at her birth

One of my, if not the most cherished memory, was being able to translate a letter from Spanish into English for my mother, and watched the pride on her face as I did so.

Now, I have much to look forward to, living in the Mediterranean, watching my G’son grow up, and possibly others on the way too; and making the right choices and being with the right people in doing the right things, at the planned time.

Live n Love

My dog Louie, he was a character!

EzyEmp

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The need for validation


I have been observing people behaviour over many years. The one thing that has often struck me, is there’s a need for validation in all of us. Some more than others of course.

Those who need it most, are often egotistical.

Trump is a fine example of this type of person. He constantly seeks validation, from the news channels, from statistics, he even attempts to re-write history such is his need for validation. When he cannot get this desperate need for validation, he becomes petulant like a ‘terrible two year old toddler’; sniping, berating, casting aspersion at anyone or anything that won’t conform to his deep need for validation; no one that ever lived has or can or will be better than him.

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But that enough about the POTUS, it’s too political.

Back to my point

A lack of validation by either party in a relationship is often one of the reasons relationships don’t last, as one partner may need it in spades; in part because of a lack of self-confidence, poor self-image and esteem, poor temperament, even a little need for control, or just due to past experiences. Principally however, the need to feel loved, wanted and that other extreme value, needed is what creates pointless and if extreme, devastating cracks in a relationship, where one party will do something completely irrational to their and their partner’s cost!

Some advice

Of course, communication is the biggest lever one can have along with listening (not talking over when the other party is getting stuff off their mind) and understanding, and then that all-encompassing sweet value of accepting.

In conclusion.

There’s a cast iron need in all of us to be validated, as I have said some more than others, but we all need to feel loved, it’s our birth-right; so accepting this as a key part of the human character make up will go someway to understanding why the need for some of us to control our environment, our friends, our loved ones (who will often be the butt of the extreme source of validation kick back) is in today’s fast-moving global technological world so prevalent.

Should we watch reality TV where relationships is the theme, it is shown in all its depressing often eye rolling glory, which only reinforces the need to be validated behaviour, because as humans we learn from what see and hear, and some of us are inclined to sub-consciously ape such behaviour. People screaming at each other on TV, making threats etc, isn’t good education in my book, but hey it entertains and brings the broadcasters and production company lots of profit, so let just keep producing more of this stuff and see how the wider society reacts.

Notice I didn’t use respond, because reaction is when we act negatively to something, and responding is when we act positively to something, so the former applies here.

Here’s a quote about validation, worth jotting down.

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Every blessing dear reader for your week.

 

Exceptional circumstances


I’ve always believed that we will all face at some stage or another a situation where exceptional circumstances will dictate one’s next direction in life.

I am a confident individual; well I like to think that I am. I believe in myself so much, that often when I set myself  a task, I usually achieve or master it.

But dear reader, I am also fallible, I will make mistakes, will do something that my silent voice has already projected in front of my mind’s eye the likely consequences, and yet I will pay no heed to the message, or the likely outcome and ignorantly lead with my human state of mind, instead of my all-knowing, all-encompassing spiritual being.

BIG MISTAKE SIR!

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I am not afraid to take risks, I like to challenge myself, I don’t like the easy route, the comfort zone if you will. I like to GROW through my own endeavours, and yes the accompanying errors of judgment too.  Maybe one day it will be a colossal mistake, who knows.

However through it all, I believe that I have been brought up by my late and wonderful village parents to continue to remain a good human being.

I really don’t like to cause distress or angst or disappointment to anyone.

I am also terribly honest with myself and others once I do screw up… and on I continue to go down my unique yellow brick road, whether people wish to dance alongside me isn’t important, what is important, is where I am going!

Yes this is something of a confession blog today, I failed to follow my own serial teachings, and have been rightly taught a harsh emotional lesson, duly given a very rude awakening.

But the PAST is not where I live people, I live in the here and now, working towards a solid future for my girls, G’son and loved ones; and what is done, cannot be undone right? So…

People good and bad will come into our lives to teach us something, or for us to teach them something, then they like all of us, will one day go – FACT!

We’ve just go to get used to it right, it’s the universal law of things.

Exceptional circumstances indeed.

 

Life is full of silent messages


You know I spend much of my time being a positive guy, very little gets me down or makes be think, WTH!  However over the past several months I have lived an experience neither planned nor expected or indeed appreciated.

Throughout I have tried, and for the most part succeeded in maintaining my discipline and decorum. That’s just me, it is in my genetic make up.

I have given much to many, but most to just a few; just a small number of people, ‘three’ in fact in recent years that have taken them from perhaps we can agree to call regular levels of urban living, and now to any ‘ordinary’ observer, an existence that some would regard as a luxury lifestyle.

This development did not happen over night, oh no, it started at the turn of the century and 15 years later, my efforts and influence is about to cease and not a moment too soon either.

You may guess from reading many of my blogs that I like to look at, and live life, in a balanced, just, moral, true, spiritual and philosophical way. Again this is just who I am. I like nice things and wonderful experience yes, but the bottom line for me, it is all about internal self values… living my being and not my human if you will.

So having spent much of my time distilling those same said values to those three people intimately, it seems that doing so has not only materially moved the group socially to a pretty admirable level, but at the same time, doing so has not shifted their internal being up to the same level. You see, these persons see life in a very very different way to me. In fact it is the exact polar opposite to how I would respond to someone enabling me to have an elevation in life experiences, (that’s reads conceited, but it isn’t meant to be), and moreover unwavering – arguably misplaced support (and I did not like writing the word ‘misplaced’ because it was my choice that I made, that I turned into an action), the responsibility is my own, and any support no matter how innocuous has value in my world, even if it is not appreciated by the receiver.

Let me just say that CHANGE is now welcome, and much-needed, in fact change has prodded me in my lower ribs painfully for a long time. I have looked the other way too often to the same view each time and it really is time that I smell and get the message from that sulphur fume that has been continually drifting towards me and has for too long engulfed me with all its pungent toxicity.

It’s a wonderful feeling to feel liberated, and the view ahead now smells of pale pink roses, let me inhale..hmm. aah!

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