Category Archives: relationships

Rules for Life #40… the value of #family


Our family is a rich and unlimited source of security, knowledge and love.

The family should form the foundation of our growth from childhood into becoming an influential, positive and effective adult.

Society has placed in some cases, insurmountable pressure on the family unit. The mother, father and siblings social group of the 21st century creaks alarmingly in the so-called developed world. It is being continually bombarded with negative energy that has forced many to turn their backs on their own family, and seek refuge in friends outside of their gene base who they regard as their ‘real’ family.

A tribe that administers security, knowledge and love is a tribe that can withstand all kinds of destabilising forces.

What was that statement in the Soul Food movie.., all those fingers rolled into one, can be a fist that can strike a mighty blow (sic).

A truly powerful statement.

Family is invaluable for all sorts of reasons, mainly because that’s where we learn what is what during our formative years, and these early impressions will be taken way into our adult life.

We must understand that through our family group, we have been given the responsibility and power baton to realise our true and inherent potential. It is from your duty to the family, that you should make every conceivable effort to become a more spiritually and cognitively aware being.

Having entered this plane of existence knowing and relying only on your inner-most senses, it is critical therefore that you cultivate the latent positive power through your family group, to fully enjoy the confidence to live a life that has been served to you by nature, in order to utilise these rarely used abilities.

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Be aware that you have an invisible, yet tangible effect on your blood social unit; every negative decision taken on a family platform, will harm your power base.

Welcome and embrace the changes and evolution that exists within your genealogical group, and entice the influential members to recognise and champion the importance of the family unit.

Living your life knowing that your family base is rock solid, will empower your life inextricably.

Please harness its power!

EzyEmp.

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The Great Grandmother of all Fairytales!


Well what can I say, I gave my daughter away to a man who as sure as I am alive today, he will be beside her, behind her and deep deep within her heart.

They’re now on their own journey of self discovery, one which may reveal cracks along the way, but with love and commitment they will for sure both overcome even the greatest of STORMS!

I really must remark on just how extraordinarily beautiful my daughter looked, sometimes I just need to thank the universe and all that the forces for good keeps blessing me with.

I cannot be more proud to have enabled a life to be filled with the realisation of a cherished fairytale, one that my daughter will nurture and grow, with intelligence and undiluted focus.

To Mr. Marcus Onilude & Mrs. Kyla Frye-Onilude.

Stay united, stay composed through challenges, stay grounded, be joyous in whatever you both do, stay committed to your own deity, build your life on love, peace and balance in all things.

From your Poppa and Father in-Law.

And remember this…

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The Power of Reliance


Have you ever agreed to do undertake an action with someone, and that someone has either proposed that action, or agrees to your proposal, and lo and behold that someone fails to show up? Yep, me too. Irksome right?

I spoke about Trust and Truth being positive (but fading) values, but Reliance too is vital for social cohesion, relationships of whatever kind; in business, within a family, in the halls of learning, team-work and so on.

Of course, reliance should be a natural and meaningful human behaviour, in particular when another depends on what one commits to doing, and as a result an expectation has been delivered; but words, as we know are just that, WORDS.

DEED is quite another thing, and this is often where the link in the communication/action chain breaks needlessly down.

We all know some people are serial ‘talk the talk’ but never ‘walk the walk’ merchants, we also know that some people will have a genuine excuse, but that genuine excuse should be conveyed before breaking that agreed commitment right? Good, I’m glad you agree with me.

What’s good for the goose is also good for the gander.

Not surprising, empathy is usually a missing quality; the ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes just does not become apparent at any time, even when flagged, and when flagged, the defence emotion gets triggered – no one likes to have their behaviour questioned negatively.

Relationships and society depends pretty much on Reliance, and together with Truth and Trust, I have termed these values the Social Trinity; a rock solid platform for any meaningful communication, planning, team effort or goal/task achievement.

So if you are the proposer, think about this Reliance factor.

Remember a proposition by default becomes an expectation for the recipient, so switch roles mentally and try, yes try and think how you may feel.

If all else fails, remember…

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Rules for Life #34


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We are all tempted to control and mould people (particularly those we love) into a way that suits our needs and desires, but not necessarily theirs.

Good relationships are interdependent, that is, each will have their own goals, interests, likes, friends, along with personal and professional requirements. In a partnership these developed behaviours must be respected, and be afforded to evolve into a pairing that will eventually combine both parties qualities, as one will over time learn to adapt to the other naturally.

The true strength in any relationship is recognising that a problem shared is often a problem halved, this with the prerequisite respect, communication, tolerance, give and take, understanding, empathy, love etc., will create a hoped for lasting bond built on mutual respect for each other’s characteristics, habits, needs and attitudes.

EzyEmp

 

3 steps to better people skills


Getting through life as we all know is tough at the best of times, but one way to smooth the way forward, is bullet proof effective people skills. Whether in a professional environment or a domestic one, getting along with people from all walks of life is vital for a contented and successful life.

We must accept that none of us are born with natural people skills, we are taught and some of us are taught better than others. Ownership of a toy between two toddlers could spiral out of control, it’s incumbent on someone with a little more knowledge to demonstrate give and take and the rules regarding reciprocation.

1st.   There’s nothing more attractive than good manners. Traditional habits are dwindling. Saying ‘thank you, ‘good morning/afternoon/evening/night’, ‘let me do that for you’ ‘how are you?’ etc,. Also allowing someone to speak without interruption I consider to be good manners – being able to listen for many is very attractive, particularly when someone has something important to say. Looking directly into someone eyes when being spoken to is both critical in business and in intimate relationships.

Physical things like opening doors, giving way, forming an orderly queue, taking your head wear off in a place of worship, dressing appropriately for the environment that one is sharing, giving up a seat for someone who clearly needs it, using appropriate language, helping someone in need… and behavioural things like being humble and showing gratitude.

None of this is new to any of us right, however with much of the focus today is using digital devices and communicating virtually, plus my own observation that we’re increasingly becoming self-centred, money orientated and more guarded, the positive social attributes mentioned above much of the time do not reach our daily consciousness. 

2nd.   Laughter!! Humour always wins the day. Sadness isn’t a pleasant experience, but laughter is. A physiological diagnosis “Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.”

Laughter, even in a morose tension filled setting can and will remove stress and anxiety in an instant. Speaking directly to my male readers, we all know that one way to a woman’s heart or anyone’s heart is making them laugh. If you make a toddler laugh through some simple play, that child will keep repeating the act so that you can continue to make them laugh. We all know that eventually it will get tiresome. Laughter is not only addictive, it is contagious. You don’t need to know what the cause of the laughter is, but you in turn will at the very least smile.

A joke or lighthearted banter during a 1st time meeting can and will make you more likeable and smooth the way to that crucial deal or in getting hired. Not many people are attracted to someone who seems guarded or defensive.

In an intimate setting, when making love and something triggers a snigger, this will likely increase the loving bond on top of the necessary ecstasy.

3rd.   Mirror what you see (but don’t make it obvious). I made reference to appearing or being defensive in point 2. The opposite is being open and available. Being approachable is every sales or customer facing person’s necessary demeanour. How many times have you entered a store and no one even acknowledges you. Even if you have a body language of someone who looks unapproachable, or you fit a negative stereotype, that person who works there should at the very least attempt to disarm and welcome you.

Non verbal communication is just as important in business as it is in the home. No one likes to be made to feel that they could be walking on egg shells. Behaving unnaturally in a relationship is NOT GOOD, not replying, not hugging, not sitting together, not dining at the table, turning one’s back, not going to bed at the same time, no PDA… being manipulative, attempting to control another, wanting them to conform to a particular image or behaviour, all bad stuff.

If the person you are with has a passion, show interest. People like talking about themselves, believe me. Music and food are areas where you’re sure to find commonality. 

If someone who you are communicating with is sad, empathise, if they’re happy, acknowledge it, if they’re being serious or is concerned, listen intently and don’t interrupt. 

There’s clearly much more to people skills than I have highlighted here, there’s a glossary of information across the internet and in libraries, so swat up.

We can all do much better in applying effective people skills, it’s a learned tool that can optimise your career, your business, your love life, your social life, your family life and make your entire life so much more enjoyable.

Here’s an interesting link http://www.cacareercafe.com/people-skills/

EzyEmp

 

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Pic credit to the beehive Atlanta

Rules for Life #33


Christmas is meant to be a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, though Jesus Christ rarely gets a mention these days. Sometimes this period of the year turns out to be a time that some of us would prefer to avoid, not because of the theme of goodwill to all men/women, but because some men and women can be, well shall we say a little annoying.

What often happens when people get together this one time at this time of year is perilous gossip, which in turn leads to uninformed judgement.

So with this in mind, here’s a Rule for Life just before Christmas that is worth noting.        It all boils down to clear communication.

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