The need for validation


I have been observing people behaviour over many years. The one thing that has often struck me, is there’s a need for validation in all of us. Some more than others of course.

Those who need it most, are often egotistical.

Trump is a fine example of this type of person. He constantly seeks validation, from the news channels, from statistics, he even attempts to re-write history such is his need for validation. When he cannot get this desperate need for validation, he becomes petulant like a ‘terrible two year old toddler’; sniping, berating, casting aspersion at anyone or anything that won’t conform to his deep need for validation; no one that ever lived has or can or will be better than him.

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But that enough about the POTUS, it’s too political.

Back to my point

A lack of validation by either party in a relationship is often one of the reasons relationships don’t last, as one partner may need it in spades; in part because of a lack of self-confidence, poor self-image and esteem, poor temperament, even a little need for control, or just due to past experiences. Principally however, the need to feel loved, wanted and that other extreme value, needed is what creates pointless and if extreme, devastating cracks in a relationship, where one party will do something completely irrational to their and their partner’s cost!

Some advice

Of course, communication is the biggest lever one can have along with listening (not talking over when the other party is getting stuff off their mind) and understanding, and then that all-encompassing sweet value of accepting.

In conclusion.

There’s a cast iron need in all of us to be validated, as I have said some more than others, but we all need to feel loved, it’s our birth-right; so accepting this as a key part of the human character make up will go someway to understanding why the need for some of us to control our environment, our friends, our loved ones (who will often be the butt of the extreme source of validation kick back) is in today’s fast-moving global technological world so prevalent.

Should we watch reality TV where relationships is the theme, it is shown in all its depressing often eye rolling glory, which only reinforces the need to be validated behaviour, because as humans we learn from what see and hear, and some of us are inclined to sub-consciously ape such behaviour. People screaming at each other on TV, making threats etc, isn’t good education in my book, but hey it entertains and brings the broadcasters and production company lots of profit, so let just keep producing more of this stuff and see how the wider society reacts.

Notice I didn’t use respond, because reaction is when we act negatively to something, and responding is when we act positively to something, so the former applies here.

Here’s a quote about validation, worth jotting down.

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Every blessing dear reader for your week.

 

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