Rules for Life #46… find solutions not problems

We’re bombarded with negative news, and as a result, we tend to focus on problems and not solutions.

Moreover, we can become suspicious of our fellow citizens, and as result we view them as threatening, instead of genuine people just like you and me, wanting exactly or almost the same things in life. 

It is what it is dear reader, but the all important power of choice that we all possess, can change the status quo.

So what is the next step? 

View problems as opportunities, and not just problems. Think of it this way, you had to tumble down all over the place, before you could eventually walk. So the tumbling was a problem, but none of us can remember it as a problem, it was an opportunity to get on your two feet and in a little while, fall down again, and we repeated the exercise until we can walk and run and cycle and swim and climb…

For some of us, a problem can be very frustrating depending on the level of the challenge, and sometimes can bring the worse from some people, in terms of temperamental and irrational behaviour. 

Think about being stuck in traffic jam for hours, many of us will just wait, while others will sound their horn, even though it proves to be a futile action, and some will leave their car and go absolutely berserk!  

Self-discipline ladies and gentlemen.

Whether you’re drowning in debt, having relationship issues, problems at work, struggling with an exam or whatever it is, view it as an opportunity, to drive personal Change, but do think carefully about what you’re going to do, and plan the solution, particularly if it’s a big problem and therefore the opportunity will be significant, so do plan. 

Happy Friday people, live n love always!




9You know when you have commitment from someone when you’re going through a crisis, and they join you in that crisis.

It’s easy to identify who is loyal, and who is a staunch friend when you’re going through a crisis or need some kind of support, and let’s be honest, there are not that many.

We’ve all come across those who set conditions in exchange for support; indeed some relationships are just like that.. ‘ain’t nothing going on but the rent’ adage, which breaks the marriage vows.

For better for worse, in sickness and health, till death do us part. 

When you start identifying patterns of behaviour that seems at odds with unconditional love, that’s the time to think whether you should continue with the relationship. Now don’t get me wrong, there are practicalities in life that may require being addressed, but both of you ideally should deal with such practicalities, not one or another should shoulder the entire burden.

A problem shared is a problem halved.

Just like housework or generating income should be shared, so should a personal crisis, but there are limits of course, and if the crisis be it financial or infidelity or some other issue, there has to be limits; there’s only so much one can take right.

Commitment matters, it really does, it can make a difference to a successful and positive outcome or one can invoke the ever decreasing circles syndrome until it’s too late to recover the dying embers, and all what was achieved (time) is then lost, and you can’t reverse time. 

Now if you find someone who is  committed, don’t reject them and if you too is commited, then there lies the prize.


Be brave…

Life is often shaped by what you don’t do, than what you do, quite often you know precisely what you need or must do, but weeks pass by, until it’s too late.

So why do so many of us adopt this sabotage behaviour? 

There are two areas we can point two, you just can’t be bothered, or you are afraid of the unknown or likely consequences (even if you know what the consequences are) before you make the decision.

We all know what to do, particularly if you listen to your silent voice, yet we live externally and not internally, and there lies the core problem; we start to think about what may physically happen or the effects on those around us or our environment as a direct result of the decision actioned.

So where do we go from here? 

We can all control our minds… if you go to bed, and tell yourself to wake up at a given time, you will wake up at your chosen time, no need for alarms. Again, tell yourself to walk 12 miles, and you will walk 12 miles, also tell yourself to fast for three days, and you will fast for three days… remember the guy that swam around Great Britain recently, well he told himself to swim around Britain, and the consequences was chunks of his tounge fell off, but he achieved his goal.

I do 80 to 100 press ups daily even though I’m in my late fifties, it’s all about determination and fortitude

I often see people who need or wish to lose weight visit the gym, why do they visit the gym, well it’s the collective, it’s being with those around you doing the same thing, some are just fitness fanatics, while others are losing weight, so yeah it’s the collective spirit, which supports, drives and empowers, and moreover also for some, dilutes the shame and personal embarrassment.

Being afraid is in the mind, sure if you are in an emergency, like in a fire or caught up in a terrorist attack or someone is pointing a gun at you, then sure being afraid is fully justified, however for the most part, fear is in the mind. 

I recall seeing a video on YouTube, where Will Smith was talking about jumping out of a plane. He remarked that even before he got on the plane, he couldn’t sleep, he was worried…which he later said was utterly foolish, and then when he jumped out of the plane… all the fear vanished in a second, he felt like an albatross.

So be brave, whether you want to say something to that special person that you keep seeing or thinking about, or just be brave and change your life!

Live n love always! 



Many of us will judge each other… however, very few of us will breakdown who we actually are. 

Not many people know this, but Self-reflection is vital to our self-growth and self-understanding. 

We spend way too much time thinking externally, rather than internally, and internally is who we really are. 

Once a week in the evening, I switch off my smartphone, and pick up a book with a subject which feeds my internal self. 

There are many books that offers internal reflections, just check out Amazon or your local libraries. 

I don’t like getting into poor habits or being addicted to anything or anyone, so I will daily walk at least 4 miles with my earphones and listen to an audio book on a particular subject that I feel I need on that day.

Self-reflection also taps into our higher self, which is pretty much how we came about in the 1st place, which is how and why when we’re very young, we can learn so many things in weeks rather than months or years… like languages or musical instruments.

Yes our birth right ladies and gentlemen.

For the most part, we do self-reflect, but we do so subconsciously, the daydream mode. 

Self-reflection also acts as a vital assessment on how our lives is being lived, and what we can do to improve and realise our short, mid and long-term life goals. 

We can go from 30 years to 50 years which feels like for many of us, like 10 years, and once you reach 50, you start to think about how much time we have on this physical firmament, and self-reflection underpins these thoughts, which often means preparing for the inevitable. 

So self-reflection is often overlooked by many of us, but please heed this message.

Just as you would check you motor vehicle once a week or your bank account periodically, so you should check your internal self on a daily basis too!! 

Once again, Live n love always people!


Give a little, take a little…

I’m a strong believer in the law of reciprocity; I’ve written about this a few years ago on this site.

Perhaps, you’ve not seen it, but it’s all about giving and receiving; the more you give the more you will receive not always immediately but it will happen, be sure about that dear reader. 

If I’m asked to help, even if it’s a relatively easy thing to do, whether they do in return or not, I will help. I’m not selfish, but if there’s someone who needs support, or wants something done, and I can deliver, I’ll do it, even if it puts my agenda out of kilter.

We’re all set in our ways, some of us can be bothered, while others may choose not to be bothered, even if it’s someone they care about, however we are all imperfect, so no blame is attached

For the most part, many of us will come to someone’s aid, if they need it, that’s the good side (as the courageous police officer in California did and lost his life as a result) while others will get their cell phones out and video or take pictures of the incident. 

Giving is important, as is receiving, and acknowledging when you are given something with the words Thank You, is also important, it creates an energy that aligns with the laws of the universe. 

Today is Armistice day, 100 years following the end of the 1st world war in November 11 1918, many of the millions that have died (I believe in the after life) during this terrible period in human history, across the entire planet aren’t even aware of what they have done for us, so I thank them all, but we as humans really must learn from our past mistakes. 

So, let’s give a little and take a little, be it a smile at a stranger, or when someone’s asks you to help, do not hesitate… these actions are always rewarded in some way, shape or form. 

Live n love always, particularly today! 



Relationships are nearly always at the centre of all our activities

Relationships can be good and uplifting, but also deeply disturbing and negative. 

Relationships is founded on communication, compromise and respect. A more intimate relationship may include sexual gratification or erotic affection. 

Some of us prefer to have casual relationships rather than someone under our feet 24/7, while those of us who need a companion will suffer in silence, just to have some form of meaningful interaction. 

I am quite content to be alone, but I also like to be mentally and physically stimulated by someone I care about. It’s a balancing act between having peace and having to adapt to someone’s characteristics. I think you know what I mean right? 

There’s a lot of emotion in relationships, it can sway from the peak of ecstasy to a low of fury in a heartbeat, and everything in between this fluctuating human engagement.

As you know I’m the champion of the Power of CHOICE, and all choices will have a consequence, be it small or significant, one really needs to remove emotion from choices, all choices based on emotion will enable a negative outcome, trust me it’s true, so be rational and reasonable and think of the consequence of the choice before you make it.

We need to feel loved or more accurately important, something that is a craving internally for all of us, which is the entire reason for having a relationship in the 1st place, interaction is key to the development of our minds and soul, though in our virtual world it is less so these days. 

  • Relationships can be good
  • Relationships can be a strain
  • Relationships can be stimulating 
  • Relationships can be controlling 
  • Relationships can be manipulative 
  • Relationships can be a place of hope
  • Relationships can be sexual
  • Relationships can be cerebral 
  • Relationships can generate jealousy 
  • Relationships can make one sad
  • Relationships can be stressful
  • Relationships can be overwhelming 
  • Relationships can make you feel insecure 
  • Relationships can make you feel proud 

Ultimately we all need to have a relationship in whatever form it takes, but the bedrock of a relationship is to be reliable, honest, commited, to listen, to respect, to do what you say you’ll do, show respect, privacy, empathetic and sympathetic, keep the fire burning, change the routine, take a moment to reflect on who you are and how you interact with others too. 

Live n love always! 


Privacy Matters

I like to keep my private life and affairs to myself, it was how I was raised.

Some people will openly spill the beans to anyone, even if they don’t know them; which is from my point of view, a little unnecessary if you choose to ask me.

I really value my privacy, sometimes even if you’re family or someone I share my life with, somethings must remain top secret.

I don’t share other people’s privacy unless I’m given full approval to do so. I’m not into small talk, or gossip, so I prefer to talk about relevant information about life or my reflections on life or most likely what I can do to change or better my life. 

But more often than not, it’s women that gossip, sorry ladies; but it’s true. You just cannot keep your tounges from wagging. 

As a former dancer, I’ve spent enough time with women to know this. Most of my friends are women, but when I’m in their  company we talk about climate change and not what shoes you are planning on wearing, however I digress.

Privacy matters, why does it matter? Well because we’re all unique, and we represent our tribe/family, we also must have some aspects of ourselves that we should keep to ourselves, like what we do before we go to bed, or what  we believe in, or how we see ourselves, something I do each and every day. 

I don’t like people talking about me behind my back, they have no right to do so. I don’t do it to them and they should not also. Yet people are creatures of habit, which is where such behaviours emerge from. We do need to review our habits from time to time, or we just won’t change. 

I’ve come off Facebook and LinkedIn, why because I wanted to change my daily activities as I was getting addicted, in particular to FB; but more importantly, I’m open to my privacy being abused.

So, privacy matters to me, and I’m sure for some of you too. We can all be open, I’m always open, but my private life is just that, my private life.


Reflection : Change : Growth : Truth